Dating is a normal and natural part of the teenage experience. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy. Teen dating can present a wide range of challenges for both teens and parents. For teens, there are all new kinds of relationships to manage, in addition to the kind of self-discovery that often accompanies such exploration. 

For parents, the challenge is to provide a positive and consistent point of support. As your teen starts dating, you’ll have the chance to help them understand what healthy relationships look like, how to establish and respect boundaries, and explore what they want in a relationship. For most parents and teens, this process typically benefits from transparent, supportive discussions that are free from judgment or coercion. As your teen learns from their experiences and becomes more confident, teen dating can become a milestone to celebrate.

How to Talk About Teen Dating

Your teens are constantly receiving information about dating. This information comes from their peers, from media, from internet communities and more. That’s why one of the best ways to help your teen enjoy healthy relationships is to talk to them about dating. As a parent, your opinions carry weight (even if your teen won’t always admit it). 

In general, these discussions are often best served by being honest and frank. There can certainly be giggling, but it’s important to avoid embarrassing your teen or making them feel belittled. 

Conversations about dating can often include:

• Consent: The importance of consent, what consent looks like, and how one should behave when consent is or is not present.

• Appropriate activities for a date: You can ask your teen to talk about their idea of what a nice date looks like (and what a less than nice date might look like).

• Sexually Transmitted Infections: Discuss the basics of STIs, including how to protect oneself from them or how to practice safe sex.

• Pregnancy and pregnancy prevention: You may want to discuss birth control with your child when appropriate.

• Sexual identity: Discuss who your child may be attracted to, if they are comfortable with it, and embrace their identity in whatever form it takes.

• Anything your teen wants to discuss: Let your teen take control of the conversation and ask about the things that are important to them.

Covering all of this information in one family meeting can be useful, but mostly as a starting point. Try to be as comfortable as possible talking about these topics repeatedly. That way, when your teen has a question, they can come to you for answers.

Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

Your teen will likely go through a variety of relationships during their early dating years as they explore what they like and what they don’t like. Unfortunately, teens may not always have the experience to tell when a relationship is healthy or unhealthy. This is a good thing to talk about before your teen starts dating. 

A healthy relationship will typically be one that is supportive, and in which your teen shows visible joy. In a healthy relationship, teens may feel more confident, and they likely won’t feel constantly worried about making mistakes or disappointing their partner. Their connections to friends and other loved ones will be enhanced and enriched. 

Signs of an unhealthy relationship, on the other hand, can include the following:

• Your teen begins to withdraw into themselves. This may look like your teen becoming very private about everything. (To be sure, some increased privacy should be expected.)

• You notice that your teen begins to speak negatively about their appearance. This is especially true if that negativity seems sudden or extreme.

• Your teen no longer seems interested in their hobbies, leisure activities, and other interests, especially if this is also sudden. (To be sure, teens’ hobbies evolve over time.)

• When you raise valid concerns, your teen becomes defensive about or tries to minimize their partner’s behavior. 

• There are other sudden changes in your teen’s behavior (such as suddenly changing colleges or career paths) or grades begin to drop.

When it becomes clear that your teen is in an unhealthy relationship, it’s important to discuss this with your teen and help them determine a path forward. In these cases, it may not be productive to make demands on your teen. Instead, work together to find solutions that keep your teen safe.

Setting Boundaries and Engaging in Respectful Behavior

When discussing teen dating, one of the important topics that should be explored is how to set boundaries and what respectful behavior looks like. Boundaries are something that your teen can use to keep themselves safe and comfortable in any kind of relationship, including with both friends and romantic partners. 

Before your teen starts dating, you can discuss what boundaries might look like. For example, no dates on the night before a test could be a boundary. Maintaining the privacy of one’s own smartphone could be a boundary. Not letting a partner read texts or emails could be a boundary. (It’s worth noting that these boundaries should come from your teen and not from you as parents.)

Partners that do not respect these boundaries are not necessarily acting respectfully–whether the boundary is a big one or a small one. 

Help Your Teen Have Healthy Relationships

Relationships can be complicated and they can take many years of experience to successfully navigate (even then, there are plenty of adults who could improve their relationship skills). So don’t be surprised when your teen makes mistakes. 

Taking an empathetic and supportive approach can help your teen seek out and enjoy healthy relationships in the long run. 

There are also some health aspects to consider when your teen begins dating. Your teen can discuss these with their pediatrician during a regular wellness visit. Contact our Northbrook or Chicago offices to schedule an appointment.