Teens have a reputation for volatile emotions. For parents, this can be especially intimidating. It may not be immediately clear how to handle these emotions–especially when it comes to those emotions that are commonly viewed as negative. Teen anger, in particular, can be a little scary for both parents and teenagers themselves. That’s why knowing how to handle teen conflict and anger can be an especially useful tool for parents.

After all, teens do often experience very heightened emotions. As they learn how to navigate the world–and the feelings–of adults, the guidance and experience of parents can be invaluable. For parents, this means guiding teenagers towards healthy conflict resolutions and finding healthy, constructive ways for them to express their anger. 

After all, emotions are not morally good or morally bad. Teaching your teen how to handle their anger can be an exceptionally important skill that they can use for the rest of their lives.

What Are the Sources of Teen Anger?

Teens experience the same sources of anger as anyone else! They can be made angry by injustice and unfairness, rejection and loss, disappointment and hurt, and so on. But there are other factors which can make teen conflict and anger a bit more intense than what may be experienced by children or adults. Some of those factors include the following:

• Hormones: Hormones are a part of everyone’s normal life! But teens going through puberty are experiencing a significantly heightened amount of hormonal changes. Their bodies and brains are developing quite rapidly. This can heighten a wide range of emotions and make others more challenging to manage. This is certainly true of anger!

• Depression: According to some estimates, 3.2 million teens have experienced a major depressive episode over the past year. In some instances, depression can be a sign of repressed anger. In other cases, depression may lead to a teen lashing out. In either case, mental health concerns can make managing anger particularly challenging.

• Stress: Teenagers today are under an enormous amount of stress and pressure. In many cases, teens may feel like the academic and extracurricular choices they make will have an enormous impact on their overall future. This can lead to a significant amount of stress and stress can very easily make anger harder to manage. This can quickly lead to more intense outbursts of emotion.

• Family issues: If your teen does not have a happy home life, the anger and frustration they feel is likely to be directed into other areas. In part, that’s because they may not feel like they can express that frustration within the family. This can lead to expressions of anger at things that seem unrelated.

This list is not exhaustive. And it’s important to articulate that teens may express anger at things that, well, genuinely cause them anger! Try not to discount those sources of anger when discussing these broader themes.

Healthy Ways to Manage Teen Anger and Conflict

Anger is itself not a negative emotion. But there are certainly unhealthy ways to handle anger. Part of your role as a parent is to help show teens healthy ways to manage anger and conflict. Some of the best ways to do that include:

• Show them how to use relaxation and self-soothing strategies, such as meditation, yoga, and quiet time.

• Validate their feelings. Talk about why they are angry and make sure to back them up. Help them see how certain actions end up leading to anger.

• Help them put that angry energy into something constructive. Exercising while angry may not diminish the anger, but it can give your teen an outlet for that angry energy. Encouraging them to express their anger via art or music can also help. In some cases, even listening to angry music can be good! Help your teen find an outlet that matches their needs and their personality.

If your teen is unable to manage their emotions or their anger is resulting in physical harm, it may be time to talk to a professional mental health specialist. 

Resolve Conflict and Improve Your Bond

It’s one thing to manage anger. It’s another to help your teen manage conflict. Whether your teen is in conflict with you or another party, it’s important to remain calm. Help your teen talk through their feelings. This is also a good chance to help your teen develop conflict resolution skills. This can include listening, validation, and talking through possible solutions. Remember that your teen may be angry for a very good reason and the conflict is valid.

Whether your teen is in conflict or just angry, it’s important that your teenager feels you are on their side. 

These emotions and situations may seem volatile. But learning how to work through these things together and modeling healthy behavior can strengthen your relationship and your bond with your teen. This healthy approach can also give your teen skills and tools they can use for years to come.

If you have questions about your teen or your teen’s health, contact Children’s Healthcare Associates to make an appointment at our Chicago or Northbrook offices.