Humans tend to be emotional by nature. But that doesn’t mean we come into the world knowing how to read, express, or interpret emotions. These are skills that typically start to develop in early childhood. Together, these skills are typically referred to as Emotional Intelligence (often shortened to EI or EQ). 

For children in particular, emotional intelligence can help make sense of strong feelings. After all, for a toddler who has very limited experience with feeling frustrated, this emotion can easily become overwhelming. Taking a structured, thoughtful, and intentional approach to teaching your child how to recognize and handle that frustration can make their next experience with the emotion easier.

For parents, this focus on emotional intelligence is something you can foster in your daily interactions with your child. Practicing emotional intelligence at home can help prepare your child for preschool, kindergarten, and beyond.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is usually defined as the ability to recognize, process, and project how you and how others are feeling. There are typically five elements involved in emotional intelligence: empathy, social skills, self-regulation, self-awareness, and motivation. In this sense, emotional intelligence can provide the foundation for the kinds of healthy relationships you will want your child to form throughout childhood and into adulthood.

Emotional intelligence in early childhood generally falls into three categories:

• Expression of feelings: In early childhood, this could present as behavior as diverse as stomping feet or giving a hug.

• Knowledge of feelings: This includes the ability to accurately identify feelings and emotions both in the moment and on reflection.

• Regulation of feelings: This includes showing awareness of their own emotions and being intentional about how they cope with them.

In early childhood, emotional intelligence education often comes down to helping kids practice empathy and understand self-awareness. In some cases, this could include taking steps such as helping kids label their emotions and noting when they see these emotions reflected in others. You can try doing this at home by turning on the television with the volume turned all the way down. Ask your child to identify emotions they see on TV based only on body language. 

For parents, this can also mean spending time to model emotional intelligence, including empathy and self-awareness. Your children will learn much from watching you.

How to Help Your Child Manage Their Emotions

Like adults, children can have very strong emotions. But unlike most adults, they often lack the vocabulary to process and talk about those emotions. This can make any feeling even harder to deal with. As parents, you can play a role in helping your child manage their emotions. Consider using the following techniques to help your child:

• Ask your child about how they’re feeling when they are feeling strong emotions. This can include questions about how they feel physically, too. Help them put a name to the emotion.

• Talk with your child about a time when they have felt this emotion in the past. Discuss how they responded then versus how they’re responding now. This can help your child put their feelings into a broader context.

• Offer constructive praise. It’s important to understand that reacting negatively to your child’s expression of emotion is rarely constructive.

• Ask questions that guide your child towards empathy. Consider questions such as “how do you think that made the other person feel?” or “What would you do in their position?”

• Provide your child with guidance on productive and positive ways to engage with their emotions when they are having them.

Your child may not be able to adequately manage all of their emotions on their own. It’s okay to help them discuss and talk through those emotions as they process. In some cases, other conditions, such as ADHD or other neurodivergence, can impact the expression and interpretation of emotions to a significant degree.

Keep Your Communication Open

As you work with your child on fostering emotional intelligence, it’s important to keep your communication as open and non-judgmental as you can. For parents, this can sometimes be a challenge. After all, we want our kids to be happy–and it can sometimes be frustrating or irritating when they are cranky or fussy. But it’s important to remember that adults feel a wide range of emotions. Kids will too!

You can also try to keep all of your communication as open and honest as you can. For example, it’s okay for your kiddo to feel sad for a while. You can talk about the reasons for that sadness or where that hurt is coming from.

Emotional intelligence is something you can practice everyday, often by simply being more mindful of your feelings and the feelings of your child. The more you talk and communicate about emotions, the more emotional intelligence you’ll be helping your child to learn. If you have questions about how to help your child develop emotionally or what healthy emotional development looks like, make an appointment with Children’s Healthcare Associates at our Northbrook or Chicago offices today.