Middle school can be a particularly challenging time for children. Not only because of escalations in academic rigor and expectations, but also because kids at this age are experiencing significant physical, social, and emotional developments. And because all middle schoolers are in the same boat, the atmosphere at these schools can be particularly tricky. For parents and caretakers, the middle school years are a good time to pay extra attention to your child’s moods and be there to offer any support they may require.

One of the new frontiers your middle schooler will likely spend time exploring is that of friendship. As your child grows, they will form deeper, more meaningful friendships with their peers. These new forms of friendship can present unique challenges. Parents and caretakers can help their middle schoolers discover what positive friendship looks like, navigate conflict, and develop healthy friendships. Providing your middle schooler with support and, when appropriate, guidance during these years can help them establish healthy friendships for years to come.

The Social Dynamics of Middle School

The social dynamics of middle school can be particularly challenging–especially for middle schoolers themselves. This occurs for a wide variety of reasons, including the following:

• During middle school years, children start forming stronger, more emotional bonds with their peers. This can lead to relationships and friendships that feel much higher stakes than children have previously been accustomed to. 

• Middle schoolers are also starting to establish their identities and figure out which social groups they fit into. These social groups can have a significant impact on their day to day lives.

• As kids start entering the first years of adolescence, their bodies go through significant changes. This can include physical transformations as well as increases in various hormones and hormone levels. All of these changes can impact behavior.

There’s a significant amount of peer pressure and fear of exclusion in middle school as these social groups and deeper social bonds start forming. This can make the social dynamics of middle school feel particularly stressful for kids.

How to Deal with Peer Pressure and Fear of Exclusion

There are some ways you can help your middle schooler cope with both peer pressure and a fear of exclusion. Some of those may include the following:

• Have frank and honest discussions with your teen about peer pressure, what it looks like, and how they might want to respond to it. You can even help your teen develop scripts to use so they don’t have to think of responses during the moment.

• Talk to your middle schooler about what their values are and what that looks like in action. This can help them determine whether the peer pressure they’re receiving is good and helpful or unwanted and harmful.

• Talk to your middle schooler about what positive friendships look like and how those positive friendships may impact peer pressure. 

How to Encourage Positive Friendships

Friendships are an incredibly important part of your child’s middle school years. During this time, your child may start to form stronger bonds with peers and friends. So it will be important for them to know what positive friendship looks like. A positive friendship will usually include some of the following characteristics:

• Acceptance: A friend who is engaging in positive friendship will not seek to alter or change your child–especially in ways that do not align with your child’s values and goals.

• The ability to make mistakes: Those in positive friendships will give each other room to make mistakes and, with accountability, offer forgiveness. In other words, not every mistake will be a friendship-ending drama.

• Empathy: A positive friendship will also exhibit empathy, with each party displaying the capacity and willingness to see the other’s perspective.

• A friendship that builds self-confidence: Positive friendships will help build your middle-schooler’s self confidence. If the friend is constantly tearing down your child or offering negative criticism, that is probably not the sign of a positive friendship.

This list is not exhaustive, of course. Parents can help by modeling positive friendships in their daily life as well.

How to Help Kids Resolve Conflicts

As your child enters middle school, it will become clear that you can’t fight all of their battles for them anymore. They may even resent you for trying. So how are you supposed to help your middle schooler with the types of conflict they encounter in their daily life? You can teach them important conflict resolution skills.

This can include expressing empathy, recognizing their own emotions and emotional output, active listening, the ability to compromise, and the ability to problem solve and find solutions that make everyone happy. To be sure, your middle schooler will not have all of these skills perfected immediately. But practicing them throughout those middle school years can help–and set them up for success in the future.

Middle school can be a trying and challenging time for your child. But parents and caretakers can help! If you have questions about your middle-schooler’s social, emotional, or physical health, contact their pediatrician. If your child is a patients at Children’s Healthcare Associates, you can schedule an appointment at our Northbrook or Chicago offices today.