For many parents, getting your infant and toddler to sleep through the night can be an exceptional challenge. For children of this age, sleep can be an anxious and emotional experience. Often bedtime can be filled with tears, crying, and distress–for parents and children alike! However, building healthy sleep associations with your infant and toddler can help make this transition easier and more pleasant.

Sleep associations are all the habits, routines, and affectations that surround the process of going to sleep. Adults have these, too: you might brush your teeth, plug your phone in, make sure the room is dark, climb into bed, lay on your back, and so on. These are behaviors that your brain associates with sleep. The goal for most parents is to get your child comfortable sleeping in their own space and through the night. Unfortunately, these goals can be challenging to reach, especially if unintentional sleep associations are getting in the way.

Parents can help smooth this transition by emphasizing healthy sleep associations. Building healthy bedtime habits can make the entire experience less stressful on everyone. And positive sleep associations can be beneficial to your child for years to come. 

The Role of Sleep Associations in Bedtime Routines

Newborns and infants have to learn how to do many things adults take for granted–including how to sleep. And while infants may sleep 12-16 hours per day, that sleep rarely occurs in one, uninterrupted eight hour span. Even through the toddler years, children are still essentially learning how to sleep.

A sleep association is aptly named: they can be anything that your infant associates with sleep. When your baby is born, they may associate the rocking and swaying of your body with sleep, for example. Your child will build associations whether you are intentional about them or not; unintentional associations can often undercut your goal of getting your child to sleep uninterrupted through the night and in their own space. But intentional, healthy sleep associations can ease your child’s transition into more typical sleep patterns and behaviors.

One of the best ways to build these healthy sleep associations is through the use of bedtime routines. These routines can be a fun, joyful experience for parents and children alike, providing opportunities for bonding and play while also reinforcing healthy sleep associations. Some of those routines may include the following:

• Giving your baby a bath before they go to bed.

• Putting your baby or toddler in a fresh and clean diaper.

• Help your toddler brush their teeth and perform other daily hygiene.

• Making sure the lights are dim and the room is quiet.

• Speaking to your baby or toddler in gentle, quiet tones. 

• Reading your child a story.

• Goodnight kisses and cuddles.

Bedtime routines can and should be customized to your infant or toddler. Watch how your baby responds to their bedtime routine–what works and what doesn’t–and respond accordingly. Over time, these routines will build associations. A fresh diaper at a specific time of day, for example, will become closely associated with bedtime and signal to your child that it will soon be time to sleep.

As a result, it’s also important to avoid building routines and behaviors that you do not want associated with bedtime.

Why You Should Avoid Crutches

There are some sleep associations that your infant and toddler will likely find comforting and familiar. But they may not help you achieve your sleep transition goals. In these instances, many parents have trouble balancing the drive to provide comfort with the overall goal of making your child a more comfortable and independent sleeper. As a result, you may want to avoid some of the following sleep associations:

• Rocking your baby: Your baby will usually be quite comfortable in your arms, so it may be easy for them to fall asleep. But when this becomes an association, it may mean that your baby starts to fall asleep every time they are in your arms. This can significantly confuse your baby’s sleep cycle.

• Nursing your baby: In some ways, this may provide comfort to your baby before sleep time. But when it becomes a sleep association, nursing may become an integral part of your bedtime routine, which can be taxing on parents. 

• Constantly fussing with your baby to make sure they’re comfortable: You want your baby to be comfortable. But constantly adjusting and pampering your baby while they sleep can impair the development of your baby’s own self-soothing skills.

• Giving your toddler screen time before bed: Screen time can have a huge negative impact on anyone’s sleep cycle. This is true for toddlers and adults alike. While it may be tempting to use screen time because it avoids a tantrum or keeps your toddler quiet, this may build negative sleep associations over time.

These crutches are tempting because they offer immediate results and immediate relief. And while they may not be terrible to use once in a while when everyone is having a bad night, they should be avoided as part of your typical bedtime routine.

Effective Sleep Training Techniques

Instead, parents are encouraged to incorporate more effective long term sleeping techniques. To some degree, every baby is unique, so you will want to adjust any of these techniques to suit your family and your baby’s preferences. However, these common sleep training techniques can be a logical place to start.

• Ferber Method: Using this method, you’ll set your child down to sleep even if they are crying. You will then check in on your baby at set times, usually something like every five minutes or so. This gives your child a chance to practice self-soothing, but also emphasizes to them that you are nearby.

• Chair Method: This popular method requires parents to place a chair next to the child’s crib. Over time, you will slowly move the chair further and further away–a little bit every night. Eventually, the chair will be far enough away that you can be completely out of the room. This gets your baby used to sleeping alone gradually, minimizing anxiety and discomfort.

• Pick Up/Put Down Method: This method is somewhat intuitive. Put your child down for sleep, even if they are crying. However, if the crying does not stop shortly, you can engage with your child and console them before disengaging with them again. You can gradually wait longer to console your baby. Again, by slowly teaching your child to self-sooth, you can minimize the anxiety they feel.

• Fade Out Method: There are many sleep associations that parents use (including crutches) to help their babies and toddlers sleep. But you may not want to keep using those same methods. In the fade out method, you will simply use slightly less of those each night. This, again, creates a gradual transition that your child can adapt to. 

In general, it’s important to choose a compassionate and loving sleep method, as this is a very formative time for your child. And you want your baby to form a secure attachment to you. For this reason, we usually recommend gentle and gradual methods that ensure your babies are less likely to feel insecure in that attachment to you. 

How to Create a Calming Bedtime Routine

At the end of the day, a calming bedtime routine is going to help your baby or toddler fall asleep faster, better, and more comfortably. So make sure you have a set time that you do this every night. Additionally, avoid getting your baby amped up right before bed. This could mean avoiding playtime or any other vigorous activity.

In general, bedtime routines should be quiet and sedate. Choose activities that help your child wind down and relax. Once the routines are established, make sure you stick to them (at least to the degree that they continue to serve your baby or toddler). If you have trouble developing positive sleep associations and bedtime routines, you can always ask your child’s pediatrician during a regular wellness visit.

Ensure Your Child Gets the Sleep They Need

Sleep is an important part of anybody’s day. But because babies and toddlers are growing and building sleep skills simultaneously, they also require a significant amount of sleep. A restful night is essential to their health and wellness. Eventually, that will mean helping your child sleep in their own room and through the night. 

For parents, this means working to establish healthy sleep associations and bedtime routines that will foster healthy sleep habits. That will look slightly different for every child, and you can have fun and find enjoyment in discovering what works for your family and your child. With the right approach, you and your family can tackle the challenge of getting your child to sleep soundly through the night!

If your child is a patient at Children’s Healthcare Associates, you can schedule an appointment at our Northbrook or Chicago offices today!